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blog of the day !

Pretty? No. Happy? Yes.

November 19th, 2017

I'm not the perfect girl everyone sees in the movies. I'm not the perfect girl everyone wanted to date in high school, and I'm far from being the pretty one. I grew up thinking I was pretty, don't get me wrong. I was only super conceited as a child because I believed I was pretty. I moved from Ohio to New York when I was in sixth grade, and at first. I did not talk to anyone. I was shy, and in ways I was different and believed no one would like me. With high school being seventh through twelfth grade, we were always in contact with the older kids. You know? The cheerleaders. The future graduates? The football boys? The volleyball girls? The wrestlers? All of them. The ones everyone wanted to be like. Everything seemed great for them. Well now I've experienced being that older kid. I realized I'm not as pretty as I thought I was. I weigh to much, my hairs to short, my cheeks to chunky, nose to big, eyes to big, lips to big. Let's be real, Do people even think the black ones are attractive anymore? Some people simply believe I'm unattractive because my skin is to dark. trust me, I've been told before. I've always loved my skin color, and always will and nothing will change that. I'm not offended by black jokes simply because of the fact that I'm growing up in upstate New York in a area, and I was at a school with very few African Americans. To be honest, I expected nothing less. The one thing that always gets me is when people say, "You're pretty for a black girl." That's not a compliment. It's offensive. I try to not let other people define me. I have my goals, know what I want my own body to look like, and only I will know when I truly think I'm pretty again. It's sad for a short period of my life, I really needed to be defined by what other people thought of me, when I should have been focusing on what people thought of myself. Here I am at 21:13, writing, yes, I have a lack of confidence, but in high school I played volleyball, soccer, lacrosse, I cheered, I took college classes, good grades, and I'm currently in college doing what I love, and I'm not being held back by family, or anyone. I have phenomenal friends, an amazing bestfriend, a boyfriend who I love to pieces, my auntie and uncle, and my cousins who helped me have the great life I have now. I'd like to thank them for how strong I have become. I may not be pretty, and my life might not be perfect but who cares? I'm happy. (: